Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
