I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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