dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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