There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
