we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
