I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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