that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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