I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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