Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
