brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
