the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
