He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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