every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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