I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
