maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
