At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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