I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
