I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
