So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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