party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
