true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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