All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
