Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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