I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
