I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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