Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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