Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
