Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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