dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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