So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
