I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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