Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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