drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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