This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
