I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
