then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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