Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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