Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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