I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
