Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
