checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
