It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
