3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
