Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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