If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
