Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
