no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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