My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
