I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
