I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
