Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
