Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
