I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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