my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
