went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she looked like the before picture.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
