one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
