just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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