I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bit a glass in half.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The air taste purple.
Randomize
