I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
