i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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