just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
