I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
