White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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