Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
