I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
