i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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