i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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