If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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