I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The adults are the big ones right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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