you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
