I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
