This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
