Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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