I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I smell stomach acid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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