i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
