So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
