Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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