You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
