I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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